The amount of loving messages they’ve shared on social media or the number of lovey-dovey images they’ve posted don’t characterize a happy pair. A true love relationship can’t be quantified using social media data—in fact, it can’t be quantified at all.
But how are you expected to know whether a couple is truly happy if love can’t be measured? What’s more, how are you meant to figure out what makes a truly happy marriage so happy?
We spoke with four love experts to discover more about the 12 characteristics that truly happy couples share:
(Because, while it’s impossible to accurately assess a couple’s emotional bond, you can adopt activities that will help you strengthen your own.) Isn’t that what it all boils down to?)
They Like and Respect Each Other in a Sincere Way.
Happy couples recognize that they will never agree on everything. When differences arise, it is more vital to be nice than it is to win an argument.
“Even when the other annoys or hurts them, [really happy lovers] are respectful,” says one partner. SheKnows speaks with Lesli Doares, a couples coach and author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage: How to Create Your Happily Ever After with More Intention and Less Work. “They never call each other names or act aggressively toward each other.” Instead, they rally behind one another and agree to disagree.
They Look For the Best in One Another.
Couples who are happy have a lot of faith in one another. So they give each other the benefit of the doubt when things go wrong. “When there are multiple interpretations of an interaction, [happy couples] will choose the one that portrays their spouse in the greatest light—not the worst,” Doares says.
Happy Couples Conduct Non-goal-Oriented Sex.
Dr. Rose Hanna, a licensed marital and family therapist and professor of psychology at California State University, Long Beach, explains, “This indicates that having sex for the pure purpose of pleasure and being together transcends whether or not they climax.” “Once sex becomes goal-oriented, failure becomes a possibility, and anxiety rises as a result.” The death of excellent sex is anxiety.”
Physical Affection Between Happy Couples Is More Nonsexual.
“They hug one other more, hold hands more, touch each other’s shoulders, and give hugs more readily than other couples,” Hanna adds.
They Are Really Concerned About What Is Happening in Each Other’s Lives.
This applies to all aspects of life, including ideas, feelings, and activities. “They are curious about how the other views them and the world,” Doares adds. “They can have long debates without acrimony.”
They Show Each Other How Much They Care About Each Other.
Couples that are truly happy are more inclined to give each other verbal praise, admiration, and support. “They are more verbally expressive of those feelings because they actually feel valued in the relationship,” Hanna explains. “In other words, their verbal encounters tend to be more encouraging and affirming than negative and attacking.”
Successful Communication Is a Skill That Happy Couples Possess.
Kim Olver, a relationship consultant and author of Secrets of Happy Couples, tells SheKnows that “really happy couples articulate what they want and need without criticizing each other.” “They also understand that verbal communication isn’t the only way to communicate.” That involves paying attention to your body language and utilizing contact to express love and support rather than denying it.
Couples Who Are Truly Happy Are Committed to Each Other.
When couples are truly happy, they recognize that the most important aspect of their relationship is their partnership. This can entail monogamy for some couples, but it doesn’t have to for others. The important thing is that they’ve built a relationship that they both believe in and are dedicated to maintaining.
“I feel this allows couples to have a higher level of trust and commitment, taking their relationship to new heights,” Olver adds.
They Want to Spend Time Together, but They Don’t Have to Be Married.
“They perceive the relationship as something to contribute to their independently content life, not as a way to fill an emotional void or acquire anything—not being alone, social status, a family, etc.,” Doares says.
They Don’t Strive to Change Each Other in Any Way.
In every relationship, it’s natural to become dissatisfied or annoyed by elements of your partner, but happy couples recognize what they can and cannot alter. Minor pet peeves aren’t worth addressing, but red flag issues are.
“Truly happy couples have learned to gently accept one another and have let go of the impulse to change each other,” Olver explains. In reality, many partners eventually come to love (or at least appreciate) the characteristics they formerly despised.
They Have a High Level of Trust for One Another, Which Helps Them Avoid Dread and Anxiety.
Rori Sassoon, a professional matchmaker and CEO of Platinum Poire, tells SheKnows, “They are not sensitive to their partner’s mood fluctuations, and they are always there for them, providing unshakable support instead of being frightened or anxious.” “You would never mistrust or second-guess your spouse since your relationship has earned you a particular level of friendship and respect.”
They Give Each Other a Sense of Belonging.
“You accept the other person for who they are and who they are not, for their positive traits as well as their flaws.” “This is a strong partnership when you can embrace them without bitterness,” Sassoon says. Couples that are truly happy report feeling entirely assured in their ability to be themselves with their partner.
